


03 - Peace and Rest and Comfort in Sorrow

by Caera1996



Series: The Basics of Primary Ed. 'verse [5]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 08:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short, one-shot set between Chapters 10 and 11 in LAWG (but can be read alone). Jim has a bad dream, Leonard is there to keep it at bay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	03 - Peace and Rest and Comfort in Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from a Soren Kirkegaard quotation.

Leonard loved to watch Jim sleep. He could stare as long as he wanted, taking in all the little details that make him so…perfect. Details that escaped the notice of casual glances most of the time, when Jim was in constant motion during the day…laughing, talking, teaching, playing with Jo…spending time just the two of them.

Barely-there lines at the sides of his eyes that crinkled when full lips broke into the most true and free smile…and those same lips could make Leonard respond with a simple kiss, and take him apart when Jim decided he wanted to. Relaxed and slightly parted in sleep, they were always a little chapped, a testament to the habit he had of licking his lips – always unconsciously – when he was thinking, or nervous, or bored, or happy…or anything, really. Leonard's favorite time Jim moistens his lips, though, is when he's looking at him like he's planning the best way to challenge his lingering need to keep control.

In the dimly lit room, they lay face-to-face close enough to touch, though they weren't right now. When they weren't spooning together, Jim always slept the same way – on his side slightly curled, one arm under the pillow, the other loosely fisted under his chin, an edge of the blanket clutched in his hand. There was something indescribably sweet about the way he slept, his body angled towards Leonard, head tucked down slightly. He looked so much younger – as if in sleep the touch of the world fell away, and all of the innocence he grew out of visible again, a reminder that it's never truly gone, just sometimes forgotten.

Jim shifted slightly with a small sound, his brows furrowing slightly, and Leonard sighed. As peaceful as he looked, sleep wasn't always peaceful for Jim. Sometimes he got caught in memories from his past, given life again within his mind. It didn't happen often, but it did happen. Apparently, it was going to happen tonight. Jim shifted again, pushing his face against the pillow, legs straightening.

"Shh," Leonard murmured. He gently smoothed his hand down Jim's shoulder and side, barely touching, hoping that he'd be able to soothe Jim back to sleep. Jim shifted again, though, his hand tightening into a fist under his chin and he pulled at the blanket.

"No – Chrissy…" Jim murmured, his brow furrowing.

Leonard pursed his lips, wishing that he wasn't experiencing this again…the suicide of his childhood friend Chrissy…finding her like that…had affected him deeply. Once, he'd confided to Leonard that those dreams were always so incredibly vivid… the stillness of the spring afternoon as he walked to her house, the familiar smell of her house, the sound of the same stair creaking as he made his way to the second floor…all of it in achingly specific detail he never realized he was dreaming.

"Jim," Leonard said, a little louder, grasping his shoulder and giving him a slight shake. If he could, he wanted to stop it from getting any further. "Wake up Darlin'. Come on…wake up."

With a gasp, Jim opened his eyes, but it was obvious he wasn't quite there yet.

"Shh…you're okay…it's okay…you were just dreaming." Leonard kept up a quiet litany of comfort while he stroked Jim's arm and side, bringing his hand up to gently run his fingers through his hair. He smiled slightly, seeing the blue eyes clear and focus on him. "You with me?"

Jim let out a breath and nodded slightly, closing his eyes. He loosed his grip on the blanket and reached for Leonard instead. He moved closer to Jim, wrapping an arm around him as Jim pressed his face against his shoulder. Leonard pressed a kiss to the top of his head, then turned his head to rest his cheek. He felt Jim let out a shaky breath and he gave him a little squeeze.

"It was minutes, Bones," he whispered. "If I'd been there just a few minutes earlier…how could I not see how desperate she was for it to stop?"

Leonard sighed and pulled back slightly, trying to catch his eyes. His mother, Frank, Chrissy…Jim felt he should've been able to do something more for all of them. Maybe if his mother didn't know about him she would've fought harder, maybe if he'd been a better child Frank wouldn't have turned to alcohol, maybe if he'd been a better friend Chrissy would still be alive.

Jim wanted to save everyone…wanted everyone to be happy. It was another little detail about Jim, that wasn't always seen, that made him so perfectly who he was.

There was nothing to say to that. Jim knew that he couldn't have known…Leonard's said that, Chris Pike has said that, his mother, and his brother…Jim knew. It didn't change what he felt, though. So instead of trying to find the words, Leonard just held him, soothing the hurt by letting him feel the comfort he had to offer, saying with his hands and lips and quiet murmurs of  _you saved me_.

And lying there together, wrapped in Leonard's embrace, Jim anchored himself to what and who he  _did_  have, comforted.


End file.
